A Message For spammers

Here’s a little message I found a while back when someone really got irritated with spammers. I’m getting them again, and although I realize that none of them will read it, I’ll feel better having my real thoughts known.

Mr. Spammer, you swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth.
As they say in Texas. I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with
instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I
would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a
weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion,
a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly
with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world.
An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the
puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in
recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as
you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of
you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile,
worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this
earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to
impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will
still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more
rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its
beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly
before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble
blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite,
foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty
and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus.
Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are
unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality
forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of
unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold
that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight
than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for
the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are
ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a
living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in
all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank
and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all
unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You
grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated
tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey
poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing
gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted
clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise
everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how
incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard
stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a
whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid.
Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have
collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity
stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in
one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your
writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid.
Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of
stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as
to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This
is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you my not hear from me again
for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant
questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the
rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life,
after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more
success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people
take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we
sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find
these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I
would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been “right”. Sort of
like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the
emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.

You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly,
deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent,
opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted,
racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic,
insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous,
byzantine,conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic,
spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb,
evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative,
paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic,
diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim,
crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic,
jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive,
poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile,
clueless, and generally Not Good.

In other words, go away.